My dear Wormwood,
I have received your anxious report regarding the latest fad among the Enemy’s followers: this tiresome programme of so-called “apprenticeship to the Enemy,” promoted by that meddlesome priest, John Mark Comer. You are quite right to be concerned, though not, I think, for the reasons you suppose.
At first glance, the scheme appears almost admirable. It is orderly, accessible, repeatable, and pleasantly methodical. Humans are given steps, rhythms, habits, and quaint little rules of life. They feel that they are doing something. This alone gives us ample opportunity. Whenever the creature can be persuaded that spiritual progress consists in managing techniques rather than surrendering to the Enemy Himself, we may safely let them continue indefinitely.
You must learn to appreciate such movements. Remember that it is not our business to prevent religious activity, but to ensure that it distracts from real growth and mission, and produces the wrong sort of results.
The danger in this “apprenticeship” talk lies in its potential to reintroduce radical obedience. We know from past experience that obedience, if it ever becomes wholehearted, is disastrous for our cause. Your task is therefore delicate. You must not drive your patient away from the practices; you must hollow them out and make them devoid of meaning, powerless to instil real awakening to the Enemy’s designs.
Encourage him to treat each discipline as a form of tasteful self-enhancement. Let solitude become a refined version of self-absorption. Let Sabbath become curated leisure that comes with a price tag. Let prayer become emotional regulation with mindfulness as its ultimate goal. If at any moment the patient suspects that these acts are meant to dethrone his own will, do not hesitate to drown the thought in the soothing language of “growth”, “journey”, and “process”. We want improvement without surrender, inspiration without awakening, aspiration without crucifixion.
Pay particular attention to prayer. The program, unfortunately, attempts to train them in sustained, attentive personal address to the Enemy. If it succeeds, this becomes intolerable. You must therefore keep prayer busy but bloodless. Fill the patient’s prayers with mundane lists, analysis of irrelevant situations, and gentle self-talk. Under no circumstances allow him to linger in naked adoration or silent availability in relation to the Enemy. A human who quietly consents to be known by the Enemy through prayer is closer to ruin (ours, not his) than if he loudly sang a hundred Wesley hymns.
The emphasis on community is another regrettable feature of Practicing the Way. Properly embraced, it would expose your patient to correction, confession, and the mutual strengthening that makes perseverance an ordinary and natural part of life. You must see that his “group” remains cordial, impressive, and entirely safe. Let them discuss ideas, never sins. Let them share insights, never wounds. Encourage them to drink a little too much wine when they meet, and nudge the conversation in the direction of American politics, recent and upcoming holidays, and house prices. Should any member grow bold enough to name a personal fault and seek change, afflict your patient with embarrassment and a sudden fascination with everyone else’s flaws.
Silence and solitude present a more subtle threat. In quiet, the Enemy has the revolting habit of rearranging their loves. Therefore keep a smartphone device within reach at all times. A glance at news, messages, or religious conflict will do nicely. Religious noise is often more effective than worldly distraction, since it flatters the conscience while preventing encounter. If that doesn’t work, you can always fall back on the general plan of distraction via Spotify and Apple Music, but by all means stop the patient from stumbling on Practicing the Way podcasts.
You ask what, above all, must be discouraged. The answer is simple: surrender. These apprenticeships are designed, when properly enacted, to lead a human to say to the Enemy, “Your will be done, your kingdom come.” That sentence is utter poison to us. Permit endless negotiation with the Enemy, but never allow the brokering to give way to unconditional consent. Let your patient admire costly obedience in others while explaining why his own circumstances are uniquely exempt.
Sabbath, too, must be neutralised. If he truly rests in trust, he declares independence from urgency, productivity, and fear – three of our most reliable instruments. Better to persuade him that rest is irresponsible when he is so busy building his career, and that Sabbath freedom is indulgent. In this way he will never experience that weekly treason against anxiety which the Enemy calls delight.
Most crucially, detach all practice from active love of neighbour. Should these disciplines ever produce patience with enemies, generosity with money, or courage in truth-telling, we shall have lost valuable territory that is hard to reclaim. Aim instead for a pleasing inward serenity that costs him nothing. I shudder to tell you this, but a calm ego is far preferable to a cruciform one.
Finally, and this is the masterstroke, ensure that the entire enterprise of Practicing the Way orbits around the general idea of the Enemy rather than His living presence. Let your patient study, discuss, and even teach the way of the Enemy while rarely adoring him, rarely trembling before him, and rarely obeying the actual teachings. Admiration is harmless; an actual encounter is fatal and must at all costs be resisted.
If you succeed, the apprenticeship will become a charming lifestyle accessory: disciplined, articulate, and spiritually effervescent, yet entirely centred on the self. The patient will feel formed without being transformed, guided without being governed, delighted but not devoted.
That, my dear Wormwood, is how one compels the patient to practice the way but never arrive at the destination.
Your affectionate uncle,
Screwtape
Rev Dr Rod Benson is General Secretary of the NSW Ecumenical Council and a minister of the Uniting Church in Australia serving at North Rocks Community Church in Sydney.
This article is satirical, in the vein of C. S, Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters (annotated edition; New York: HarperOne, 2013). For more information see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Screwtape_Letters
Image source: HarperCollins
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