By Rod Benson
Genuine fellowship between leaders of different religious traditions is crucial, generative, and beautiful to observe. At the same time, such relationships can be hard to sustain without concerted effort by all parties to the conversation.
For example, an ecumenical meeting may become difficult to navigate when a familiar word carries contested meanings, or strong differences of opinion are expressed on a moral issue, or a proposed joint action crosses a church’s cultural or theological boundary. Christian leaders may share faith in Christ while disagreeing about church authority, ministry, worship, sexuality, public policy or the meaning of mission. Their communities may also carry painful memories of exclusion or rivalry. Every ecumenical conversation carries potential for healing and harm.
How we navigate those conversations for good is of great importance. Active listening helps leaders understand what others believe, avoid needless harm and discover where they can serve together with integrity. When leaders listen poorly, a misunderstanding can damage relationships between whole communities.
Many years ago, when my career was in its infancy, I bought a book by Stephen R. Covey titled, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.[1] That paperback copy has been replaced by a revised hardcover copy, and I still refer to it more than three decades later. Its lessons are simple but profound. One of the most important is this: Seek first to understand, then to be understood. If I had actively practised that habit more intelligently, who knows what benefits, and further insights, would have come to the activities in which I invested my time and efforts? Who knows what relational fruit would have grown and blessed others?
I am not Stephen Covey, and I make no claim to being “highly effective.” But I am a thinker, writer and leader whose involvement in church life spans almost 40 years, with observations reaching back to childhood. These ten practices do not correspond to Covey’s seven habits, though they draw from the same well of wisdom as well as my own experience. They move from active listening to shared action: simple enough to recall in a meeting, substantial enough to guide an ongoing relationship. I offer them with a sincere prayer for greater harmony and unity among Australia’s churches, congregations and Christians.
1. Begin with openness
Ask how others understand their church’s convictions and practices before explaining your own. Familiar words such as “communion,” “ministry” and “mission” may carry different meanings across ecclesial and theological traditions. “What matters most to your community about this?” is often a better opening than an assumption about what they believe. Listen also for the hopes, loyalties and experiences that give their answer its emotional weight.
2. Listen for the concern beneath the position
A firmly expressed position may express legitimate concern for faithfulness to Scripture, care for vulnerable people, continuity with revered tradition, or freedom of conscience. Ask what is at stake for the other person. Understanding that concern does not require agreement, but it makes an honest response possible. A person is more likely to hear your point of view when they know you have taken their deepest concern seriously.
3. Check what you have heard
When a matter is culturally or morally sensitive, or an argument is complex, seek to briefly summarise the other person’s view: “Have I understood you correctly?” Let them correct you or add clarifying or qualifying details. If you cannot describe their position in terms they recognise, you are unlikely to address the real disagreement and make things worse rather than better. Taking time to get their intended meaning right shows that you value both the person and what is at stake for them.
4. Speak honestly and gently
Trust grows when leaders can discuss serious differences without belittling one another. Explain your church’s view clearly, distinguishing its formal teaching from your personal judgment where necessary. Avoid attributing motives or treating one leader as responsible for everything their denomination has said or done. If the exchange becomes heated, slow down and return to one question at a time.
5. Choose something to do together
Listening should lead to the question, “What might God be calling us to do together here?” The answer may be prayer, hospitality, care for people in need, peacebuilding or a response to a local crisis. A specific purpose gives cooperation direction without requiring the churches to resolve every theological question first. Shared work can build trust and reveal possibilities that conversation alone might miss.
6. Name the differences that affect the work
Be candid about constraints before launching a joint initiative. Who may lead worship? Can everyone endorse the wording of a public statement? Do cultural expectations about decision-making differ? Which matters require approval from a church’s wider authority? Naming these questions early prevents misunderstanding and commitments that some partners cannot fulfil. Such candour respects each church’s responsibilities and gives the partnership a more secure foundation.
7. Agree on the scope of cooperation
Decide what the churches will do together and what each will decide for itself. A joint community meal, for example, need not imply agreement on every doctrine. Participation in a shared project should not be taken as endorsement of another church’s position on an unrelated issue. Ask: Can each church explain its participation honestly to its own members? If the answer is unclear, clarify the agreement before proceeding.
8. Share leadership fairly
The largest or best resourced church should not automatically set the agenda. Rotate meeting places and responsibilities, share costs transparently, and recognise the knowledge smaller churches and culturally diverse communities bring. Ask whose voice is missing, and make it possible for people to disagree without risking their place in the partnership. The ways in which leaders share responsibility and encourage inclusivity should reflect the mutual respect they hope that their churches will practise.
9. Prepare for disagreement
Before a dispute arises, agree how decisions will be made, who may speak publicly on behalf of the group, and how a church may decline to join a particular action. Raise concerns directly with fellow leaders rather than allowing frustration to become public accusation. Churches may disagree on one action and still work together on another. A relationship that makes room for principled and respectful dissent is better able to survive an honest or unexpected disagreement.
10. Review the relationship and the work
Meet regularly to ask what the partnership is achieving, whom it serves and what its members are learning. Pray together where possible. Notice whether one church is carrying an unfair burden or whether a shared project has drifted from its purpose. Thank people for their contributions, acknowledge mistakes and adjust the work accordingly. Regular reflection helps the churches remain accountable to one another, to their shared purpose, and to those they seek to serve.
Ecumenical cooperation asks leaders to represent their convictions truthfully while recognising the faith, responsibilities and limits of others. Openness begins the conversation; clear commitments sustain the work. Even amid significant theological, cultural or political differences, churches can pursue the mission of God together when they listen carefully and act with integrity.
Next time a difficult question arises, begin by asking what the other person or group needs you to understand. Then ask what your churches can faithfully do together.
Rev Dr Rod Benson is General Secretary of the NSW Ecumenical Council and a minister of the Uniting Church in Australia serving at North Rocks Community Church in Sydney. He writes here in a personal capacity. The views expressed are his own and do not necessarily reflect those of any organisation with which he is associated.
Reference
[1] Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change (revised & updated edition; New York: Simon & Schuster, 2020).
Image source: Mennonite World Conference
